For a long time now I’ve thought of starting a separate blog called, “My Shitty Life” as a space just to talk about the pee /poo/piss/shit/urinary/bowel parts of my body and life as a crip. I never acted on it because I wasn’t sure anyone would read it and, let’s face it, I am not great at maintaining this one. But, now I realize our shit might be the next and essential weapon in fighting against MAiD. I am tired of the argument that incontinence or needing assistance with any aspect of peeing or pooing is a legitimate, rational reason to want to die. I am fed up with this not only going unchallenged, but treated as common sense and codified by the Canadian state.
To those who know me it’s probably not surprising that the things everyone wants to ask me about in terms of my crip life I have almost no desire to discuss and when I do I have no desire to discuss with those people who are asking. But the parts that no wants me to talk about I have always kind of wanted to. This is not a reaction to being told something should not be discussed – or at least that’s not the main reason in this case.
Previously I considered it because the reality is peeing and pooing occupies a fair amount of my mental load and a lot of why is because we don’t discuss it in our society or even much in crip culture. As a result, some community and other knowledge and tips aren’t easy to find or come by.
For example, I was a non-ambulatory wheelchair user for about a decade before someone taught me – over the phone – how to massage my bowels. A friend then bought me one of those hand-sized battery operated inexpensive plastic massagers which has made doing so more accessible to me.
I held the hospital record for days and number of enemas and amount of laxative (a week and I lost track of enemas up my butt or jugs of PEG i drank), required to clear my bowel enough for one of my colonoscopies.
This was, however, better than the time they ignored me when I said my bowel was full and decided to try to do a colonoscopy anyway. (See thread)
At the time it was all chalked up to the pain medications but not much improved when I stopped taking them.
It’s not unusual for the need to empty my bowels to actually lead to vomiting. The pressure is pretty much entirely experienced above my navel. I have various theories about what is going on but it would require a GI physician listening to me and then investigating and working with me for solutions as opposed to just throwing up their hands and giving the diagnosis of, “You’re disabled so what do you want me to do?”
Anyway, there is a lot of volume and subject matter to work with around my pee and poo. But what interests me most right now is just talking about atypical bowel and urinary function period. Because people are signing up to die and doctors and politicians seem to be agreeing that incontinence, needing assistance, using a catheter, etc. is such a good reason to want to die that they will assist you in doing so.
I spent years needing other people to wipe my ass and at some point I will again and I assure you it is not like being “violated,” nor does it deprive you of dignity. You do that to yourself by your choice to adopt an ableist view about how your body or mine should operate. If you decide to adopt a discriminatory point of view I can’t stop you, but the Government of Canada and physicians should not be co-signing this perspective.
I have listened to them read angst-filled letters about bathroom habits as reason for MAiD in the Senate. In the Special Committee one senator almost ignited into a human flame at the idea that we deny MAiD and leave people to spend their lives sitting in diapers. I’ve read affidavits of plaintiffs who fought for MAID based on their fear of wearing diapers or needing help in the bathroom.
In small ways I’ve fought back. I talked about my pee cushion as a witness to government. I have long tweeted about incontinence.
But I think it is time to fight back in a more consistent way.
Yesterday while giving a presentation I told the class of post secondary students that I was wearing a diaper – or incontinence brief depending on your preferred term. I wear them for urinary incontinence. But earlier in the day I had a very messy and unpleasant bowel movement escape before I made it to the toilet and that incontinence brief made clean-up a lot easier. It was exceedingly messy because I have to take days of laxatives and gallons of water for anything to come out and when it does is completely unpredictable.
So maybe I will get that website going. What do you think? If I do would you be interested? Would you write a post? Would you like to help out? Maybe we could start an Instagram account? Let me know.
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